Ever ask the question, if I had this to do over again; would I?, could I?

Have to tell ya, if asked this question today I’d have to seriously question myself before I answered. When asked this same question a while back, probably a year or more ago, without hesitation, I answered yes. But now, I can honestly say, had  I known then what I know now, things may have turned out a whole lot different. It’s amazing what we will and won’t do for love.

I don’t believe in predestination. I do, however, believe that in all things there is a reason why someone crosses our paths and at that moment a connection is established that may or may not be lasting. Sometimes we touch each other’s lives but for a moment and move on … not long enough to form a bond. However, sometimes there is a connection that manages to fastens us to the other from which a bond forms and lasts for an eternity. Predestination or not, I believe my buddy came into my life for a reason ... not sure for what reason, but for a reason.

Four yeas ago my buddy walked into my life and instantaneously I felt a connection. As I’ve written before, I was on the rebound from loosing my life partner of 27 years. He was in an emotionally failing irreparable marriage. Therefore, I dare say the initial connection between us was based on loneliness.

Before you judge, I can honestly tell you, his marriage was more than just on the rocks … it was dead … literally and totally! Thus, the only resolve was to separate. On the flip side, my buddy’s a father and a damn good one at that! He was the primary care taker of the kids while they were growing up.  No matter what, his kids come first! He’s worked hard for everything he has earned and accumulated. He’s a good Southern Baptist … I’d say he’s more of a spiritual believer than a traditional “Southern Baptist". Nonetheless, a Baptist. He’s got a good spirit. Cares deeply. A social butterfly. And loves music and Christmas. As a package deal … as far as I’m concerned, he’s got it going on! On a more personal level, well, you be the judge.

Being involved with a divorcing, bi/gay man (my labeling) is not easy. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if both of us had life-style issues at the same time. Thank God, I‘m over it … I know who I am and I’m good with it! He, on the other hand, at this time has issues ... some serious issues. But that’s ok cause I truly understand it. At one time I was deathly fearful of being labeled or found as to my life-style choices. And given his situation, if he were to be found out it would devastate him, literally devastate him! Safe to say, he will NEVER come out of the closet and that’s ok. Coming out is a personal choice which many never act upon and yet are comfortable in their own skin. Nonetheless, his private life-style choices certainly doesn’t define him as a person in the least. He is much more than a label that society puts on anyone.

In the beginning it was all about physical attraction. And as our association continued an emotional connection developed. Now four years later, I can confidently say we’re friends … best buds. And to a large degree, he’s become like a brother to me. Having an interpersonal relationship with him, you couldn't ask for better. He’s really a good guy through and through!

As you may know, read, or surmised, our relationship has been a roller coaster. We’ve had our share of confrontations, our share of misunderstandings, doubts, and issues, etc. Just like any relationship, we’ve had our gambit of situations and issues to muddle through. Frankly, it’s a wonder we even made it to the level of friendship, but thankfully we did! Friendship wise, he is the best! And without a doubt, I would trust my buddy with my life!

Until Tomorrow ...

Revised 01/23/11