Of of all my friends, Robyn is my closest Friend. As a matter of fact, I consider her like a sister. We’ve know each other, lets see, for about six years. As a matter of fact, we used to be neighbors until I relocated to Myrtle Beach. Then following my life partner’s passing and my stint in Tennessee recovering they kindly opened up their home to me when I returned to Myrtle Beach until I was able to find a place to live. She and her husband, Lou, moved to Conway from New Jersey. Talk about a cultural shock! They sure experienced it. Anyway, Robyn and Lou are true Friends and I am blessed because of our Friendship.

Robyn suffers from chronic Lyme disease. Her battle with the disease is never ending and it has taken a toll on her physically and at times emotionally. Her husband, Lou, years ago had an accident in which he injured his back and since has undergone three radical surgery’s in order to correct the damage done. His latest surgery, this past February from which he is still recovering.

No matter how sick Robyn and Lou may be, rarely do they complain … instead, they push on. Robyn continues to search for doctor’s who are knowledgeable about Lyme disease. Unfortunately, here in Myrtle Beach it is difficult, if not impossible, to find a specific specialists for most diseases. One must travel to MUSC down in Charleston, S.C. should you require more specialized treatment and care. However, with both being ill the two hour trip would be difficult.

Lou continues his fight to regain some normalcy in life. The constant battle with pain and the inability to function like an upright human being has been a struggle, more so since his latest surgery which seems to have created more problems than before. I think Robyn said that following the latest surgery Lou’s pain level is pretty much the same as it was before his first surgery. Nonetheless, he does what he can and when incapable Robyn steps in to help where she can. This past year hasn’t been easy on neither of them!

Last evening Robyn was writing a letter to her friend during which she come in touch with her emotions over the loss of family members. Needless to say, the emotions were overwhelming. If I read her blog entry correctly, she has yet to reconcile those emotions and to this very day, understandably, continues to try and come to terms with her lose. God how I fully understand cause I too have experienced the same struggle, first with my mom’s passing then most recently my life partner. Though the struggle has subsided occasionally raw emotions tend to rear its head, specially on the anniversaries. But, generally speaking, I have come to terms with their journey home. Robyn, on the other hand, has yet to come to this point.

After reading her blog I decided to respond in hopes that in sharing how I’ve struggled with loss might assist in easing her pain and allow her to begin as well as complete the healing process. Actually, healing is the wrong word to use cause when you lose someone you truly love you never heal from the loss. Instead, you learn how to live with it. And it is my hope that Robyn will come to where the scars that have bruised her heart will one day become stars that will shine brightly and lead her to a place where peace brings her comfort till we all meet again. Thus I wrote the following which I hope not only helps her, but those of you who struggle with the pain of losing a loved one.

<><><>*<><><>

My dear Friend, Robyn,

How deeply I feel your pain. The loss of those we love is never ending. The feelings of emptiness is never satisfied. The pain in our hearts never heals. Death is like a timeless curtain that separates us from those we cherish. In every manner, death is the most merciless fact of life from which there is no escape. Its scars are timeless.

To this day, its very hour and the very breath I breath in it, I am reminded of the loose of my Mom and life partner John. The impact of their journey beyond all that I can ever imagine has often brought tears to my heart - their human presence unequivocally missed. And those who say or think that in time we'll get over their absence have no clue as to the daily impact death has on our spirit until they themselves experience the same.

I don't mean to sound simplistic. But though we may miss, remember and continue to feel the pain of lose, at one point in our life we must let go of their physical presence as well as their spirit and allow them to cross over. No, this is not an easy thing to do. God how I know it's not! But I believe there comes a time when we must, not so much let go, but turn them over to our Higher Power and allow them to live out their eternity until it is time for us to join them - that day is coming either in death or physically. Cause one day we all will stand before our wonderful and merciful God in which there is no sunset and no dawning. What a wonderful and glorious day that will be - the reunion of all reunions. Just imagine and live for that day cause girl its going to be one heck of an eternal moment. I tell you Sister, I, for one, am sure looking forward to that very moment.

Don't know if you remember this, but I wrote this to John and hopefully it will help.

As unpredictable as life is and for reasons I have yet to fully comprehend, all that we were together had to be let go. Our journey together was never meant to be completed cause your time on earth was cut short. With a knife you were cut out of my world, thus leaving me behind to find my way. Nonetheless, from the moment you said good-bye you have continued to be there. Your spirit has lingered, comforting me in times of tears. You left behind messages that have calmed the agony of many of my good-byes. And reminders of you I have clung to, for through them it has kept you in my world. Yes, I know you still love me and I you … I have truly missed you with all that I am. But now, my dear John, it is time to let you go … it is time for you to complete your journey home.

My dearest John, this is not good-bye. Instead, it is hello! Hello as in, it is now time to make this life my own journey and move forward in it. And as I begin my journey it is time for me to simplify my world. In doing so, I want you to know that I have stored away what is left of you behind in the recesses of my heart only, for it is there in which you now must reside. We now live in two separate worlds, you are there and I am here. Yes, I envy your journey, cause you will be where angels sing. So go on home John. Dance with the angels and be at peace. Your job on earth is done. I am finally at peace. -Online Journal Entry, 01/11/09

Love you Robyn,
:Pj

Until Tomorrow ...