June 8th:
Text Sent: Do I understand correctly that our friendship is no longer?
Text Sent: Do I understand correctly that our friendship is no longer?
Text Reply: Our friendship is for always I hope
June 10th:
Text Sent: So, I ask you, we’ll be friends always, but just not socialize or speak anymore? I’m just wanting to understand the boundaries of our friendship.
June 11th:
Text Sent: Do you have an answer for me?
Text Sent: It’s ok to honest… I’m a big boy...lol
Text Reply: I need you as a friend. I want you as a friend, but honestly I know that you truly deserve a lot better than me. I’m not the same guy I used to be, and it’s gonna take me time to get all that sorted out.. You are a great person and I’m glad I have made a difference in your life if only in a small way...now I just gotta find myself.
Don’t want to hurt you at all anymore...just realize you are in my mind often. I’ll be ok, just gonna take time. Will talk soon maybe. Love you buddy.
Text Reply: I’ve reread your email you sent me on Sunday*. I want you to know that I don’t hate you, nor am I mad at you directly. I know that your feelings for are way deeper than mine are for you. I also know that many times I’ve caused you great grief...and for that I’m sorry. I don’t want to keep hurting you and there comes a time in all of our lives, just like in yours, where ya have to stop hurting people that care about you and that’s where I’m at in all of this.
I love you as my friend...that’s a given. But I don’t want you to put your dependence in me at all, cause just like in the past, I will let you down, disappoint you and piss you off and as I’ve learned in my life, there ain’t nothing that can justify that from someone over and over again.
Please don’t be mad at me...we can always be friends if that is ok with you and you are good with that.
Please give me some time to figure my head out. I’ll be in touch with you in the near future...but please don’t sit around and waste your life waiting on me…you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known and you deserve very good things out of life. I’ll always be around, just know that I love you buddy...please always know that….please!
Text Sent: Look, I’ve moved past this mess weeks ago...dwelling on this is insane. Let’s just get down the business of being friend and stop avoiding each other, as well as pouring our souls out through txts and emails.
Yes, I care for you and that’s not going to change no matter how you avoid me, not interact with me, etc.. So, deal with it and get over it!
I just wished you had just sat down with me and talked rather than using electronic means which I thought was rather chicken of you. I mean, friends do talk to each other.
Text Reply: Got ya points.
*See June 9th Posting
Email Sent … June 20th:
Dear Buddy,
For the past several weeks I've been doing a great deal of thinking about our association and with this email I am resting my case and moving forward.
You sated that you did not want to hurt me. However, in the years I've known you, this current situation between us has hurt me a great deal since you have abruptly stopped all communications under a cloud of secrecy and vagueness until such time you are ready to resume our friendship.
Yes, we all have problems that every once in a while we need time to sort out ... I understand this all to clearly. On the other hand, to dis your friendship and not care as to how one feels about it, is, in my opinion, disrespectful and strikes at the very core of what friendships are all about.
Buddy, I have enough on my life's plate. You may not care, but weekly I am fighting for my life! Having to endure chemo on a weekly basis is more than I bargained for, however it is what it is. Therefore, in order to conquer this disease I weekly endure the treatments and its side affects that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. With this said, all I need is a friend who will be there when the going gets tough. I don't need a friend who, at whim, drops off the face of the earth simply because life is all about them. I need a REAL friend that can lend moral, spiritual and emotional support. You have failed me in this department and I am deeply disappointed in you and our friendship. Honestly, I do not believe for one moment that you treat your other friends like you are treating me, cause if you did you wouldn't have any friends.
June 10th:
Text Sent: So, I ask you, we’ll be friends always, but just not socialize or speak anymore? I’m just wanting to understand the boundaries of our friendship.
June 11th:
Text Sent: Do you have an answer for me?
Text Sent: It’s ok to honest… I’m a big boy...lol
Text Reply: I need you as a friend. I want you as a friend, but honestly I know that you truly deserve a lot better than me. I’m not the same guy I used to be, and it’s gonna take me time to get all that sorted out.. You are a great person and I’m glad I have made a difference in your life if only in a small way...now I just gotta find myself.
Don’t want to hurt you at all anymore...just realize you are in my mind often. I’ll be ok, just gonna take time. Will talk soon maybe. Love you buddy.
Text Reply: I’ve reread your email you sent me on Sunday*. I want you to know that I don’t hate you, nor am I mad at you directly. I know that your feelings for are way deeper than mine are for you. I also know that many times I’ve caused you great grief...and for that I’m sorry. I don’t want to keep hurting you and there comes a time in all of our lives, just like in yours, where ya have to stop hurting people that care about you and that’s where I’m at in all of this.
I love you as my friend...that’s a given. But I don’t want you to put your dependence in me at all, cause just like in the past, I will let you down, disappoint you and piss you off and as I’ve learned in my life, there ain’t nothing that can justify that from someone over and over again.
Please don’t be mad at me...we can always be friends if that is ok with you and you are good with that.
Please give me some time to figure my head out. I’ll be in touch with you in the near future...but please don’t sit around and waste your life waiting on me…you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known and you deserve very good things out of life. I’ll always be around, just know that I love you buddy...please always know that….please!
Text Sent: Look, I’ve moved past this mess weeks ago...dwelling on this is insane. Let’s just get down the business of being friend and stop avoiding each other, as well as pouring our souls out through txts and emails.
Yes, I care for you and that’s not going to change no matter how you avoid me, not interact with me, etc.. So, deal with it and get over it!
I just wished you had just sat down with me and talked rather than using electronic means which I thought was rather chicken of you. I mean, friends do talk to each other.
Text Reply: Got ya points.
*See June 9th Posting
Email Sent … June 20th:
Dear Buddy,
For the past several weeks I've been doing a great deal of thinking about our association and with this email I am resting my case and moving forward.
You sated that you did not want to hurt me. However, in the years I've known you, this current situation between us has hurt me a great deal since you have abruptly stopped all communications under a cloud of secrecy and vagueness until such time you are ready to resume our friendship.
Yes, we all have problems that every once in a while we need time to sort out ... I understand this all to clearly. On the other hand, to dis your friendship and not care as to how one feels about it, is, in my opinion, disrespectful and strikes at the very core of what friendships are all about.
Buddy, I have enough on my life's plate. You may not care, but weekly I am fighting for my life! Having to endure chemo on a weekly basis is more than I bargained for, however it is what it is. Therefore, in order to conquer this disease I weekly endure the treatments and its side affects that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. With this said, all I need is a friend who will be there when the going gets tough. I don't need a friend who, at whim, drops off the face of the earth simply because life is all about them. I need a REAL friend that can lend moral, spiritual and emotional support. You have failed me in this department and I am deeply disappointed in you and our friendship. Honestly, I do not believe for one moment that you treat your other friends like you are treating me, cause if you did you wouldn't have any friends.
This is not to say that I don't want to be your friend cause I do! However, as you have told me in the past; "every action has a reaction, even a consequence", Therefore, I am going to apply your sound advice to our friendship.
Over the years I have abided by your terms as to how our relationship managed itself. I haven't always agreed with your wishes, nonetheless I went along with you cause I deeply cared about you and figured that if I want you in my life then I have no choice but to go along with your desires in order to have a friendship with you. And it seems that by my allowing you to solely direct the course of our relationship has now brought us to where we are today. This is not what I bargained for!
Well, Buddy, here's the deal. My friendship with you is important, but not important enough to allow you to control it as you solely wish. Therefore, here are my terms if you and I are going to be friends:
1) I want the truth as to why you chose to shun me until such time you were ready to resume our friendship.
2) I do not want to be treated like some innate object that you can do as you please and when you please.
3) I wish you to respect me and my person-hood and treat me equally as you treat your other friends.
4) I want you to fully respect my feelings and if you don't understand them to ask ... after all, knowledge is understanding.
5) I desire that problems or differences be solved man to man, face to face instead of using texting which seems to be some kind of power trip for you.
6) I ask that you don't expect more than you're willing to give. Friendships are a 50/50 adventure. I'm finished with giving more than is expected.
All I ask is for a little respect Buddy. I understand you have issues, but over the years I have proven my loyalty and friendship to you over and above what others will ever do. If I were some fly by night guy (like those online or whatever) they would have told you where to get off with little regard for you. I, on the other hand, am not like them. I'm a good man with good intentions and my respect for our friendship is held in high regard. But I can't afford to live in a cloud of constantly wondering if our friendship is going to be there from one day to another. Life is to short for bullshit and game playing is not part of my life-style. Therefore, I plead with you to consider my terms and accept them as one friend to another who cares for you and loves you unconditionally. If this cannot be so then you and I can't pursue an honest and open friendship.
I hope you are doing okay and hopefully I will hear from you soon so we can sit down man to man, friend to friend and talk.
Philip
^^^*^^^
Please don’t get me wrong. Aside from the fact that my buddy and I have history together, he’s basically a good man. However, it’s just that I’m emotionally tired of giving to this relationship more than my share and ending up getting pushed aside without any real explanation.
Whatever it may be, I can deal with the truth and all I want is the truth. But to simply cut me out of his life under a cloud of secrecy and vagueness until such time he is ready to resume our friendship causes me to wonder if our relationship was even real, let alone truthful.
What’s really interesting is that over four years ago two individuals he used to hang out with warned me that once my buddy got tired of me “he will kick your ass to the curb, therefore be careful” … Perhaps I should have listened then the disappointment and hurt I’m experiencing could have been averted.
Until Tomorrow
Whatever it may be, I can deal with the truth and all I want is the truth. But to simply cut me out of his life under a cloud of secrecy and vagueness until such time he is ready to resume our friendship causes me to wonder if our relationship was even real, let alone truthful.
What’s really interesting is that over four years ago two individuals he used to hang out with warned me that once my buddy got tired of me “he will kick your ass to the curb, therefore be careful” … Perhaps I should have listened then the disappointment and hurt I’m experiencing could have been averted.
Until Tomorrow
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